It’s been a very bad day –
For The Ex that is. For me it was quite pleasant. Today was the day that contact between him and the demons was reviewed in court. I have blogged before about how ridiculous this whole process is. I have never refused contact I have just insisted that it be regular and consistent. So we went to court because he is not “going to be dictated to” by me.
The first time we were in court…. he was awarded exactly what I had been offering. Apparently this was a great “victory” for him.
The second time we were in court… he didn’t turn up. Apparently his physio forbade him to travel. The court asked for a FULL MEDICAL REPORT from said physio and other medical professionals. This was asked for by a certain date, he did not meet this deadline but sent a letter explaining that apparently the only doctor in the whole world that could provide this information was on annual leave and he could not provide the information. The deadline was extended, and the day of the deadline a note from his GP was received, a note. Not a full medical report and nothing from his physio at all.
Today in court… I arrived at 1:30pm in order to meet with my solicitor beforehand. The judge arrived and we waited. We went into chambers and The Ex was not there. He had not turned up. The judge was decidedly scathing and threw out the contact request. End of story. My solicitor and I thanked the judge and left chambers.
The Ex was outside. I did a double-take to be honest as I could hardly recognise him. I cringed when I realised it was him. In fact I was a bit embarrassed even to be associated with him. What little hair he has, was lank and full of scurf, he has a bushy beard which is also full of scurf, he stank of smoke, he was wearing a too-small black t-shirt, some black casual trousers and black pumps with da-glo yellow laces. I mean really? WTF? This is a middle-aged man turning up to court to try to persuade a judge he is responsible enough to have and maintain contact with two small children. Turning up unkempt, stinking and dressed like a teenager is not the best way to go about it.
Nor is turning up late. It was only because of the distance between Cankles Central and the court that the judge agreed to see him and called us back in. This was after The Ex tried to persuade the Court Office that his appointment was for 2:30 and not 2:00. Yes, he actually tried that one. It was patently obvious to all concerned that he was an idiot, lying or both.
We went back in, the judge tore strips of him. Why The Ex was not expecting it I have no idea. Let’s just look at the facts as the judge did.
- He has not seen the demons since 11th September 2010
- He has only spoken to the demons twice since then, on the 23rd December 2010 and when I offered to let him call on the 24th, yes ME. I offered because the younger demon was asleep on the 23rd and it was the right thing to do.
- He did not contact the younger demon on his birthday
- He has failed to let me or anyone know that contact would not be taking place on almost every occasion.
- He has failed to produce a detailed medical report for his absence
- He turned up late
The judge was fantastic. He saw through The Ex’s excuses for exactly what they are.. excuses. There is no reason at all that he could not telephone the demons. None. The Ex tried to waffle about being in too much pain and not wanting to upset the demons etc, but the judge was not buying it. It may have been different if The Ex had managed to get back in touch in December and stay in touch, but he didn’t.
The judge called it a t”token effort near Christmas to salve the conscience” I thought it was accurate. Other memorable quotes were.. “You don’t care about these children do you?”, “Explain to me exactly why I should order ANY contact to take place?” and the “You have failed quite spectacularly to keep to your side of the contact agreement”
He was right of course, The Ex was squirming and I felt.. sad. Don’t get me wrong I thoroughly enjoyed The Ex having to listen to what I have been telling him for over a year now. How important it is to have consistent contact with the demons etc and how he was letting them down. That it is not about what he wants but about them, and doing just enough is never enough.
The result was that contact has been lowered to once per month for the next four months and a phone call in between. He has been told that this is his final chance. Either he steps up or his case will be dismissed. The once a month thing was something my solicitor and I had discussed with the judge before he arrived.
I am satisfied with the outcome. I wasn’t happy that the case was going to be thrown out to be honest. Believe it or not I want the demons to be able to see their father and I always have. I just want the contact to be right for them and him to put some sodding effort into seeing them. I drop them off at his mum’s house and I pick them up. She feeds them, she buys treats for them, she helps them with the loo etc. All he has to do is play with them for a few hours or chat to them on the phone on occasion. He has not even managed that.
If he thinks being ill is a valid reason for not contacting his children for a THIRD OF A YEAR then he should maybe speak to some of the father’s who really are being denied contact with their children. Who would do and give anything to see their children.
Pathetic does not even begin to describe him. If he thought for a minute that dragging me to court was a clever thing to do, that it would make him look good, that he would end up coming and going in and out of the demons’ lives as he wished he was dead wrong. He has ended up with less contact then he would ever have had if he had dealt with me directly, in an adult manner. He only has the limited contact he has because I spoke to the judge before he even arrived and said that I still wanted contact and suggested that once a month would be more manageable if he was still unwell..
So there you have it, he is close to losing contact. His contact is reduced and only at the level it is because I supported it. He has spent hundreds of pounds. He has had a dressing down by the judge and his card well and truly marked. He is on his final warning.
He also has a letter waiting for him when he gets back on the long and miserable trip to Cankles Central because the CSA have just sent out the schedule for repaying the arrears he owes in child support for the demons.
Let’s hope this finally knocks some sense into him, because no one else has been able to.